Zombie apocalypse is nigh ... or so pop culture tells us. Here’s a handy survival guide if we ever get to that state.
GOOD zombie films (George A. Romero’s Night Of The Living Dead and Dawn Of The Dead) and TV series The Walking Dead (based on Robert Kirkman’s graphic novel) serve as a social commentary on the state of humanity (or lack of it) when – you know – s*** hits the fan. But, just in case zombies are real, it is important to know how to survive an attack. Max Brooks – who penned the bestseller World War Z (the movie version is in cinemas now) – has got it covered in his 2004 book, The Zombie Survival Guide. Nonetheless, with so many films, television series, books and videogames on these relentless creatures, we thought we’d take a stab at making a list too.
Arm yourself
Guns are not the only weapons to fight off zombies. Plus, the sound of a blasting gun attracts (more) zombies, and we don’t need that. Gardening tools, musical instruments (trombone sounds like an excellent idea) or sports equipment (hello, hockey stick) can be turned into a deadly weapon. Forget about some household items though, unplugged toasters and limited edition vinyls won’t stop their slow advance – Simon Pegg and Nick Frost’s characters in Shaun Of The Dead tried and failed.
You can also kill two birds with one stone – shove your enemy to the hungry zombies while you make your escape. Andrea (Laurie Holden) did exactly that to the one-eyed Governor (David Morrissey) in Season Three of The Walking Dead. Now, that’s what we call a win-win situation.
Aim for the head
Now, whatever weapon you’re using, make sure you go straight for the zombie’s head. Grab those rolling pins or cricket bats, and just go into attack mode and bash their brains out. Remember, a decapitated head can still bite, so make sure it’s totally destroyed. When using cars to kill, “double-tap” a zombie (like in Zombieland). First run over it, then do it again – to glorious sloshy bloody sound – in reverse.
Time to socialise
Find like-minded people, so you can work together to stay alive. If Survivor taught us anything, it is strength in numbers. Same applies here, except Jeff Probst doesn’t appear after some tough kills.
Location, location, location
It’s exhausting to be on the run, so find shelter. An abandoned house is great but the two most effective places to hide during a zombie apocalypse are shopping malls (Dawn Of The Dead) and prisons (The Walking Dead). There are weapons and canned goods at these places. About the only thing you can’t control is the kind of people you get stuck with.
If you can’t beat them, join them
Killing a walker needs focus. Before you realise it, you might suddenly have a herd of walkers flocking towards you, with no way out. Act quickly: after killing the zombie, rub its blood all over yourself, and start shuffling like one as if your life depended on it (and it does). Make sure you have vacant eyes with a hint of sadness in them, and moan a lot. This trick is proven to work on Warm Bodies, The Walking Dead and Shaun Of The Dead.
However, if you are unfortunate to be stuck in the United States of Zombieland or 28 Days Later, then shuffling does not work because these herd of zombies run really fast.Similarly, in the latest zombie film, World War Z, the zombies move at breakneck speed as they go after Brad Pitt. Then it’d be best to adhere to Zombieland’s rule #1: Cardio – get in tiptop shape so you can outrun them and their nasty teeth.
Sleep your way through it
Try to get shot or something, and be in a coma. This is so, you know, you can totally skip the first stage of the apocalypse (28 Days Later, Resident Evil 2 and The Walking Dead). When you wake up, some zombies would’ve already been maimed which means they just gnash at you when you do go out to be bathed by the sun and the smell of rotting corpses.
Become a bad@$&
You have to have a heart of stone if you want to kill clown zombies, Nazi zombies or even your relatives who have turned into zombies (Zombieland, Dead Snow and Braindead respectively). Please don’t be wishy washy about offing a zombie. However, make sure you look cool like Alice (Milla Jovovich) does as she goes on a killing rampage in Resident Evil.
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